It’s Not Easy #KheerWrites

I am taking part in Write Tribe Pro-blogger challenge, and the prompt for today was to put the music player on shuffle or tune in to my favorite radio station and use the song played first as the prompt.

I chose the former and it played It’s Not Easy; a song by Vladimir John Ondrasik III aka Five for Fighting.


Well, I thought of many things that are not easy for me to do and started to make notes. The list just kept growing. So I stopped, took a deep breath to calm my racing thoughts and started thinking about those things which I felt were not easy for me to accomplish in the past. To my surprise, even that list kept growing. Many things which I once felt to be tough are quite easy now!

So I thought… why bother about things that are not easy for me? Let me focus on things that I accomplished by overcoming that feeling! The mere thought of it boosted my confidence!

So in this post, I’ll be talking about two things from that long list which I once had felt were difficult to do but accomplished them eventually.

Change

Change in life was something I could never welcome whole heartedly. First it was moving out of the town where I spent my childhood. My dad struggled a lot to get a transfer to Hyderabad so that I need not stay in hostel after my schooling. All he ever wanted was to provide D and me proper education and see us successful and happy. Moving to Hyderabad from Mancherial was part of that plan. The thought of leaving the place where I spent more than a decade of my childhood seemed painful. Leaving the school I considered as my second home was devastating! I still remember how I managed to create a scene when it was time for us to leave! When my attempt of crying and gaining sympathy failed, with nothing much left to do, I sat silently and didn’t even utter a single word during our journey to Hyderabad. The melodrama continued even after I was enrolled into a new school in Hyderabad.

There was pain, agony and what not! Everything came into play. I barely spoke to anyone and used to imagine my beloved teachers from my old school teaching me. Hallucinations had hit the peak stage by then!

My perception changed when I met M there. We became best friends and life changed for me. She helped me rediscover myself and I will always be grateful to her for that! Eventually I learned that even change is good sometimes!

Trust

I feel “trust” is like the Big-Boss of all the feelings. Once broken, it is difficult to win back. My life has been one crazy roller coaster ride and trust never came to me that easily! Even after M, I made friends. I took time to trust them but once that was accomplished, we became best friends. But somehow my journey with trust came to a halt after a riff with a friend of mine at college. Years went by, yet another roller coaster ride passed and I ended up being even more reserved. I shut my feelings completely and did not choose to open up to anyone! I have been unfaithful in a way for many years to my family and friends by not being myself with them. Being a victim of child abuse, it was always difficult for me to make friends or keep up with them for long run. Still, luckily I met these awesome people who put up with me even during my worse phases! Despite that, there was still that fear residing in me that my opinions may not be valued or my rebellious thoughts might deem me as an outcast. So, I decided to go with the flow and kept my feelings to myself! My worst fear was to see pity in someone’s eyes for me.

Then I met S, who made me realize how foolish I had been. For people who love me will not judge me based on my choices and treat me differently because of my past! My thoughts resonated with S and we became very good friends. S helped me understand that being the real me is not a sin and people who love me will not judge me based on my opinions. Slowly I learned to trust again. I might not have reached a stage where I can trust someone completely but I am happy that I have started working towards achieving it.

I learned that many a times we end up discouraging or demotivating ourselves due to lack of confidence.

Do not limit yourself. Challenge the possibilities. Defy the odds or simply be YOU!


I AM TAKING PART IN THE WRITE TRIBE PROBLOGGER OCTOBER 2017 BLOGGING CHALLENGE.

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27 thoughts on “It’s Not Easy #KheerWrites

  1. babyandbeyondin says:

    Its great to reflect on all the things you thought you could never do and how you overcame those. Such a liberating feeling isn’t it? Makes you feel that there is nothing you cannot overcome.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Shalzmojo says:

    Your post made me send a prayer of thanks for all the wonderful peeps in my life who have enhanced it with their presence. I am happy to hear you have them in your life too- dont be too down over the things that seem bad or terrible. All of it comes into our life for a reaosn wven though its hard to imagine the reason let alone the goodness of terrible acts!!!
    Hang in there, keep the faith and send out love and joy in the world for it to reflect back into your life!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Vinay Leo R. says:

    Life’s a roller coaster, but I sometimes forget that and get pissed off at the rise and fall and loop-de-loops! 😦 But thankfully, a few friends always know how to pull me back to normal. Glad you had a couple of such friends too.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Zainab says:

    Trust is so important… and yes once broken it’s hard to gain it back! And, I hope not to break the trusts of those who have it in me! Cos I know how it feels!
    Loved this honest post!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Aesha says:

    Good that you could overcome the difficulties, Keerthi. As a child, I was also an introvert and I hadn’t moved out of Ahmedabad until my husband moved due to his job. This change to Kolkata was extremely difficult for both of us. We didn’t adjust well. Later we moved to Gurgoan but we didn’t like it there too. But after this moves to various cities when we had to move to Mumbai, it became very easy and we have adjusted well so I guess different experiences and time makes one accustomed to changes.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Akshata Ram says:

    Knowing this side of yours which you have brought out so honestly I can’t help but feel closer to you. I find similarities- while I am open to change and in ways look forward to things moving in life but I do have issues with trusting people. I am always on guard and do not reveal my true self to people for fear of having my heart broken. Instances in the past have taught me a few bitter lessons. I would rather be safe than sorry

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Shruti Shankar says:

    Trust once broken can never be gained again. As I read your post I realized, that there was a point when I had given up. Then come along a person who changed my life. He helped me discover the true me, I am glad that I am now married to this person. If he had not entered my life, I would have lost myself in thoughts of self-doubt, broken trust and despair :).

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Sreedeep Chennamangalam says:

    I love this piece for that fact that change and trust are something I have difficulty as well. I also had to leave my birth city when I was 11 and that was a difficult time. But I ended up coming back so that made me happy. Even I find it difficult to trust people completely because of some bad experiences. But am getting to a point where I’m just being myself.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Esha M Dutta says:

    You must be proud of yourself, to have overcome these two challenging situations in life and being able to reflect on the difficult days and still be happy that you were not defined by those limitations! Both change and trust are the toughies for most of us and a good many number of us spend our entire lives, trying to overcome such challenges. Glad you chose to remember the victory over the challenges,not the defeat!

    Liked by 1 person

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